


red ribbon

by demonicneonfishy



Series: the rainbow collection [1]
Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani Needs a Hug, Kinda, M/M, Missing Scene, Panic Attacks, i have wanted to use that tag for a while now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-12
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-16 16:08:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28709445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/demonicneonfishy/pseuds/demonicneonfishy
Summary: There’s a sketchbook he’s never shown anyone. Not even Nicky.
Relationships: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Series: the rainbow collection [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2106570
Comments: 20
Kudos: 265





	red ribbon

**Author's Note:**

> this is a series of standalone post-movie oneshots all centered around a different color! they can be read in any order, and you don't need to read one to read another. enjoy!

Joe blinks.

_Nicky’s lying in a pool of his own blood, his eyes glassy, and Joe can’t even bring himself to look at or touch him because what if this is it, this is it, this is it-_

Nicky touches his arm, and he flinches. 

The London safehouse is one of their more recent properties - running water, heating, full kitchen. Nile had taken one look at it and said “At least this one isn’t a cave.” Joe had laughed at that. 

Nicky touches their foreheads together for a brief moment before stepping back and heading for the kitchen. Nile follows him. Booker had disappeared into one of the bedrooms as soon as they got back, Andy close behind him, and hadn’t emerged since. 

Joe is alone in the living room. He takes a deep breath, and tries to steady himself. _You’re okay, you’re okay, you’re okay._

* * *

There’s a sketchbook he’s never shown anyone. Not even Nicky.

Well. There’s multiple. He has one in most of their safehouses - the ones they seem to find themselves at the most often. Each one is tied shut with a red ribbon to mark it from the rest.

Nicky had asked about them, once. Joe had just shaken his head. Nicky hadn’t asked again, not even after centuries, and Joe loves him all the more for it.

Now, he finds the one he keeps in this particular safehouse, its ribbon frayed at the edges, and carries it into the kitchen.

Nile is perched on a stool by the counter, talking to Nicky, who’s rummaging through the cupboards, presumably trying to find something to eat. He looks up as Joe enters the room, tilting his head almost imperceptibly to the side. _Okay?_

Joe shakes his head. _No._

Nicky looks at him, concerned, but Joe just crosses the room and drops into the seat beside Nile. He turns so his back is pressed against the wall and he can see the whole room.

“Hey,” Nile says absently, before continuing. “I mean, how many priceless pieces of art do you people just have lying around?”

Nicky hums. “I think we have some of Leonardo’s old sketches in one of our places. I can’t remember where.”

Nile’s eyes go almost comically wide. “As in da _Vinci_?”

Joe unties the ribbon and drops it on the counter. The movement catches Nicky’s eye, but he doesn’t say anything.

Joe picks up his pencil and begins to draw.

It’s a ritual he’d established centuries ago, after Nicky had died in a particularly horrible way, and Joe hadn’t been able to see anything else for days. Eventually, he’d tried sketching it in a desperate attempt to get the image out of his head, and somehow, it had helped.

Since then, he draws the bad deaths and ties them closed with a red ribbon.

Nicky and Nile are still talking, but Joe isn’t listening.

Inhale. _You’re okay, you’re okay, you’re okay._

He draws Nicky, lying on the ground after Keane shot him, staring up at Joe with sightless eyes. His hands tremble as he works.

At some point, Andy reenters, Booker in tow. Booker sits down at the table and doesn’t meet anyone’s eyes. Andy starts talking to Nile about something while Nicky cooks. 

Joe finishes his drawing and closes the book. He tosses it onto the table with more force than necessary, and both Nicky and Nile look at him.

Shit. He’s falling apart. He would have done this in private, but he hadn’t wanted to be too far away from Nicky. From Andy. 

He opens his mouth to say something, but he doesn’t trust himself to speak. It's too bright, they're looking at him, they know something's wrong, he can't remember how to breathe-

“Nile, can you watch this, please?” Nicky asks calmly. 

“What do I need to do?”

“Just stir it.” He steps aside, letting her take his place at the stove. “Thank you.”

Andy glances at Joe, and he can’t meet her eyes. It’s an enormous effort to keep himself from breaking completely.

Nicky crosses the room to stand in front of him, shielding him from the rest of the room. He doesn’t say anything at first, just picks up the ribbon and ties the sketchbook closed. Andy starts talking to Nile, and the conversation picks up again, and the attention is no longer on Joe.

“Do you need to go somewhere else?” Nicky asks softly, too quietly for anyone else to hear.

Joe shakes his head. He doesn’t want to be alone.

The stool is just high enough for Joe to lean forward and rest his head on Nicky’s shoulder. Nicky runs his hands up and down Joe’s arms soothingly and presses a kiss to the top of his head. "Breathe with me, my love."

Joe tries. He feels the rise and fall of Nicky's shoulders, tries to match the rhythm of his own breathing with Nicky's. Nicky just holds him, steady and reassuring, the only constant Joe can be sure of anymore. Eventually, he manages to steady himself, and his heart doesn't feel like it's trying to escape his chest anymore.

“We’re okay,” Nicky whispers. “I promise. I’m right here.”

There will be time to process all of this - Andy’s mortality, Booker’s betrayal, Nile - in the morning. 

For now, he is safe.

**Author's Note:**

> this came from an idea someone had on tumblr about joe processing emotions through his drawing and i... got carried away.  
> i'm demonicneonfishy on tumblr too if you wanna come say hi!


End file.
